Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Oops...I almost forgot...

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and he will act, making your righteousness like the noonday. Be silent before the Lord, and wait expectantly for Him..."

I love this passage. It lists a few things: He wil give me my heart's desires, He will act, and He will make my righteousness like the noonday. Isn't that awesome, or am I forgetting something? Oh yeah, before God can do anything, I gotta do a few things too. I must:

1.Delight in the Lord
2.Commit my way to the Lord
3.Trust in Him
4. Be silent before the Lord
5.Wait expectantly for Him

God's got the easy part. We have more work to do. How's my heart? My state of mind, my state of heart? What do I want? I may desire certain things, but in the end, it's up to God.

Look at this:
If I want something I need to delight in the Lord, and commit myself to Him. I need to trust that He will grant those desires. Do you see what is wrong here? It's all about ME! I want, I want, I want! Suddenly God is like "Be QUIET! Be silent and do not speak!" We shut our mouths and all we can do now is wait. After waiting for a while we suddenly realize, "Hey, wait a minute! What I wanted is not what God wants!"
What do we do then? We start all over from the beggining, but this time with a more humble and contrite heart. Ok, Lord, I want to delight in you, so you can show me my heart's, my soul's, my spirit's true desires. That's when God rubs His hands together and says, "Now we can do buissness." He presses hard into us, molding us shaping us. It doesn't feel nice, but the more He does it, the more we realize that we need Him to do it.
I need that right now. I need that brokeness. My heart's desire right now is to serve the Lord, let Him be my only love. Idols get in the way, and I need to cast those away, and focus on Him alone.

So what does God want for you today?

Saturday, March 18, 2006


My mind is just reeling right now. Emotions have taken over, and I am confused.

What should I do? Is this the right thing? I feel this way about this, but I also feel this way about this, but I feel more about the first thing than the other thing. Oh wait, I think I messed up, maybe I was wrong, perhaps I shouldn't have done that, or wait, maybe I am right and nothing bad is going to happen...

Are you confused now? Well now you know how I am feeling. Decisions, decisions...

Well I know what my problem is. I am luke-warm. Sure, I lead worship at church and I teach the kids about God, but at times my walk is not as strong as it should be. I am not in tune with God, and because of that I cannot hear His voice.

Reading Romans 3, I saw that I am not alright. I think "Oh yeah, I am a Christian, I'm doing fine!"

But I am just as bad as the heathen, who obey their hearts and emotions. You see I have had idols in my life, and those idols have caused my walk to become idle. They have distracted me from doing God's will, from hearing His voice, from hearing what His will is exactly.

So I need to seek God in this situation, this is something EVERYONE (except for very special cases) goes through. I need to ask God for His help, for His Grace, for His Mercy, for His Love...

...cause that's something no one else can EVER give....

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


I need love...
I'm not saying that people don't love me enough, that's not my problem. My problem is loving others. Lately I have been loving others conditionally, this is wrong.

I realized this today in class. My very liberal New Testament class where my teacher believes that there isn't enough evidence to prove that Jesus existed. I spoke out, but I spoke out in my flesh. I was angry, frustrated that someone could be so stupid.

God's not gonna use that.

I'm looking back now and realizing that I'm not as strong as I think I am. I love God and want to defend Him, but I tend to knock others down as I do it. That's not the right way. I care more about changing people's minds, rather than letting God change their hearts.

I want to love others, but only if they LOVE God like I do. But GOD is AGAPE. And I am not.

So pray for me, but also think to yourselves, are you loving others?
Is your love based on the fact that you want other people to love you back, or do things for you? Do you LOVE God enough to want to LOVE others like He LOVES them?

As you can see I have not been updating much. I'm struggling right now with some things, I need God's LOVE more than ever. I am strong, I am not the kind of person that can just walk away from something. I am the kind of person that gets pulled into things slowly as things go wrong, and I DON'T want to go that way...

In Christ,